Ante Natal Class

Jesus Christ what am I part of. I can remember from my human babies- looking around the anti natal class as my husband was asked to label parts of a lady that even I didn’t know I had. As I sat in a group of ladies- yes ladies, ones that were not like any ladies i had ever hung out with before, these ladies were sober.

I can remember thinking- I am not one of you. As the Madwife at the front started every sentence with ’’MUMS……..’’ The word filled me with dread as I pictured losing myself in Prams and drudgery and nursery themes and prolapse and debt- very far removed from the initial primal, whimsical, drunken drive to create life.

Tonight was the Adelaide fringe meet and greet info session. (AKA Fringe baby ante natal.) Although only few people seemed to know each other it appeared that they had done a face book flash mob detailing that they should steal jumpers from Romanian Orphans and shave off segments of their hair. I sat alone. I am not a loner, there is nothing I love more than meeting fresh fish but I felt weird. I work in hospital SO that I can meet all kinds of everyone but this was odd. A man sat next to me, he seemed normal. I relaxed a little ‘’Hi, I am Georgie, What are you in for?” I ask. His response

‘’ I am a painter, I shouldn’t be here really, i have come out in hives, or it might be shingles.’’

I assume that his lack of social skills means that he must be a great artist. He gets out his digital camera and proceeds to show me his art. Now, the type of art I am most frequently exposed to is that of my 6 and 8 year old boys. Both of which have inherited my depth of passion for visual arts and will only colour anything in under the threat of not being allowed out at recess. I look at the photos of his paintings and realise that my kids could have a visual arts fringe show that would rival his. The conversation continues as he scratches, oddly this makes me feel at home.

Scratchy Man ‘’ I have more art but I can’t take any more photos because my cameras full now, I don’t know how you get the pictures out’’

Now this guy and I are connecting. I can help him. I know a bit about technology, and by a bit, I mean I know how to upload photographs to face book.

Me ‘’ oh, your camera probably came with some software, like a disc, that you need to put in your computer, have you done that?’’

I am getting itchy just watching him.

Scratchy Man’’ I don’t have a computer’’

Who the fuck doesn’t have a computer? Just my Gran and this guy, that’s who. The jumper people start to look normal.

I did learn stuff at the info session, go to…

fers.adelaidefringe.com.au/

…to find out facty things if you are following this blog for facty reasons.

If not and you just like clicking on links then go to www.urbandictionary.com and find out what donkey punch slip and slide is. Promise it is worth it.

The info session begins, ‘’ Artists…….’’ The feeling of dread is familiar, I am not one of you, I picture myself getting lost in journeys and tie dye and tantric sex and debt. I consider that I might be better off registering for Clipsal.

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