The Equation for Eternal Happiness.

I am currently reading ‘’the crimes of Joseph Fritzl. Uncovering the Truth.’’ It is the third time I have read it, It makes me feel like a good parent. Yes- What the Fuck. It is the same reason I watch Wife swap, and Jeremy Kyle and laugh when someone elses child dicks about in Coles. What I am trying to tell Y’all is that I very much aim for average and then make myself feel impressive by measuring me against other people on a bad day. I don’t so much delight in their pain as bask in the sunlight cast on me by their temporary rubbishyness. Winner winner chicken dinner.

It is probably the reason that I feel closer than ever to my husband when friends are getting divorced, and why  he irritates the crap out of me when my newly divorced friends find love on the net and meet their ‘’soul mate,’’ who gives them the BEST SEX EVER . Also the reason I get slightly chuffed when their sex slows down to a more tolerable level.

I won a grant on Friday, I won the Dave Grant Memorial Grant. I obviously never met Dave Grant, I think I would have liked him. He is spoken of as a much admired comic, his ethos in life of helping others up through comedy in some way lives on through a grant that helps one new Adelaide Comic to set up their first fringe show each year. It is an honour to grab it.

I have never ever been competitive in life, I have positively never wanted to do my very best at anything. My children’s school have the core values of persistence, excellence, organisation and resilience. These bear no resemblance in any way to my core values of try everything a couple of times but if it’s too hard give up and buy all new equipment for the new hobby then lose both the enthusiasm and the equipment . I have never been particularly great at anything, but have had fun not trying. I have never been fired from a job, but neither have I ever been promoted, nor had a desire to be.

The verve and passion and ambition that I have for this comedy is taking me a bit by surprise. I am ashamed to admit that I want to be the very best comic I can be, make the best show I can make. And I totally hate that I feel this because it makes me sound American, and because it does not tallie with an equation by which I rule my life. Don’t know where I found it, it was in a book (not the Fritzl book) and here it is.

Expectation – reality= the total amount of happy you get.

It’s the equation that explains the nights out that rocked that you didn’t look forward to, and why every new year party you ever went to was shit. Get it?

The way I have made me impressive to me is to not really expect much, the reality has generally been better, therefore I have been happy.

The fact that I am now expecting some sort of excellence of myself and this grant that means that others are expecting excellence too are both greatly fucking with my happiness levels. I have devised a new equation for life that may have to serve the new, soon to be excellent me.

Expectation – (reality + perspective) + (hard work x100) = amount of happy+proud

I hope the baby daddy enjoys the science behind this and that my lack of love for persistence, resilience and organisation could bugger up the maths here. But now I have a village to raise my baby thanks to The Dave Grant Grant which may help.

In the couple of hours it has taken me to write this, I have bought my kid home from bowlarama in bowling shoes and locked us all out of the house. Gonna relax now with wine and the Fritzl book till we get World order back.

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